My mother-in-law, that is.

Alice has had this horrible cold for the past three or four days. Actually, we’ve all had it, but Alice lets us know louder than anyone else because her nose is all stuffed up. Combine that with a need to use the pacifier at bedtime, and it makes for an unhappy baby.

So there she is, lying in bed, snorting and snotting and crying because she can’t breathe unless she spits the pacifier out and she can’t sleep without the pacifier. It’s a conundrum, I tell you.

Anyway, my mother-in-law was over yesterday and mentioned that if you rub Vicks on their feet and then put socks on them, it clears their nose. I’m not afraid to say it. It sounded a little nutty. But desperate moms call for desperate measures, so I tried it last night. We’d already tried everything else: a humidifier, elevating her mattress, using the blue booger sucker…nothing else helped. So I gooped up her feet and put some socks on her.

And it worked! Hurrah! If the baby hadn’t been sleeping, I’d have called in the brass band to celebrate. Instead I went to bed. Next time I have a stuffy nose, I’ll try it out on myself, too.

Now, please. Nobody write in to tell me that Vicks is toxic and going to cause my baby to sprout an eleventh toe or flippers or something. And if you are going to tell me that Vicks is single-handedly causing the polar ice caps to melt, you’d better have a damn good alternative to the Vicksy-Sock cure.